Living An Indispensable Marriage, Is It Really Possible?
Updated: Jul 23, 2018
Marriage all by itself is a very difficult thing to maintain. It’s also very rewarding and inspiring to be able to share life together. Being married, when it’s just the two of you can be a great experience but then you throw in running a business and raising children, now the dynamics change and everything becomes so demanding. Many people will ask themselves “is this even possible?” Can our marriage really be amazing? Are we still going to have sex? Can we actually thrive in all of these areas and still make it?” I’m excited to let you know that the answer is YES to every fearful and doubtful question you may have concerning marriage, creating a family, and building a successful business. I know this to be true because my wife Andrea and I are doing it now, together.
We all know that being married to the wrong person can be like going through hell at times, which is why so many people default to divorce at the first glimpse of trouble. That’s why it’s so important to make sure that your future/current spouse becomes your best friend first. The reason I say this is because building a strong friendship first is like building a strong foundation for a house. When the storms of life and marriage come and the winds are blowing crazy hard, your relationship will not be moved or swayed because you’ve built a strong foundation to stand firm on. Being best friends is where the foundation begins.
When I first met my wife we were just co-workers who use to hang out with the same group of people and became friends. We wound up hanging out so much that we quickly became best friends. One thing led to the next and then we started dating. After two years of dating we eventually got married on 7-7-7 and I’m proud to say that this year 2018 we celebrated 11yrs of being happily married with two amazing sons. The interesting thing that most of you reading this article may not know is that I’m in a wheelchair (not that this means anything) but I mention it, to give you context because my wife is always getting asked two questions: 1. Did you meet him in a wheelchair? And 2. What did you see in him? And I absolutely love her response. She says that the problem is when most people see my husband they see his disability but when I saw my husband, I saw his “different abilities.” She goes on to say that she fell in love with the fact that even though I was in a wheelchair that I have a stronger mindset than most men who are physically able to do anything and that I never let anything stop me. And she’s right; I am unstoppable, even more so with her by my side and together we are building an empire.
We promised each other when we first got married that we would never use the “D” word (divorce.) It’s not even an option. We made a pact that we WILL get through any storm that may come our way. We made an oath and a commitment to one another, till death do us part and our plan is to stick to it. You don’t have to just survive the storms of marriage but you can thrive through them? My wife and I go through the same struggles that any other marriage goes through and even though we are in a unique situation with me being in a wheelchair, we’re still thriving and you can too!
One question that I know is on most peoples mind is “ can they have sex and if so, is it any good?” Now the fact that we’ve been married for 11 years with two children and we’re still thriving should tell you that we are both “on top of our game” ~pun intended. Even though most people would never dare to ask, they are very curious to know how people in wheelchairs have sex and I’m happy to let you know that we do it the same way every other couple does it. We even have little tricks of our own.
Many people ask the both of us “what’s the glue that keeps you together” and below are the four things that have helped us to have an “Indispensable Marriage.”
Keep God First
When most people get married they are making their commitment to each other in front of God, so why not keep him front and center for the rest of your lives. For my wife and I, our faith and having a relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and keeping him in the center of our marriage are the main reason we’re still together. They say that a family that prays together stays together. If you really want to thrive and stick together, try keeping God first. He works better than Gorilla glue!
Many marriages suffer from a severe lack of effective communication, so make sure you communicate about everything: the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s the only way to really get to know each other on a deeper level. Once you can communicate at this level, you will know your spouse better than anyone else. That’s why I suggest becoming best friends first because best friends tell each other every thing. Someone once told me that in marriage sometimes the attraction can fade and the intimacy can fade, but if you can communicate effectively, the communication will last forever and the other things can be restored. If you are currently married and your spouse is not your best friend, it’s not too late to start. My recommendation would be to start today and watch how things begin to change in your marriage and in your future.
They say laughter is like medicine for the body but it’s also like medicine for your marriage. You would be amazed at the things my wife and I laugh about. We laugh about almost everything. You can only imagine some of the things my wife and I have to go through with me being in a wheelchair. Could we complain about it? Does it frustrate us? Do we get sick of it sometimes? You better believe it! But we try to laugh about it most times because it really is funny. Laughing about it definitely helps us get through it as well. I like to think that I’m a pretty funny guy and sometimes when I get in hot water with my wife I try to make a joke about it or make her laugh in some kind of way because it usually defuses the situation quickly. (Disclaimer: It doesn’t work all the time.)
The fact that my wife met me in a wheelchair, fell in love with me in a wheelchair, and has stuck with me all these years, shows that her love is unconditional. Every spouse has their “own thing” but once you can see passed it and beyond it and love them with all of their faults, that’s when true unconditional love kicks in. No matter what happens in life, if you can learn to pray together, communicate effectively with one another, laugh like crazy and love unconditionally, you will be living and having an “Indispensable Marriage.”